Boston Visit - August 2009

It's been over a year since we've been back to Boston, so when RJ and I were visiting in Buffalo and Pittsburgh, we convinced Daddy to meet us in Boston for the weekend before flying back home. (It was a LOT cheaper to fly home from Boston anyway!)

So we met Daddy at the airport and then RJ spent the whole weekend being uber-attached to him. RJ was also a HUGE fan of Sully (well, who isn't?), who we were staying with. Even now, over two months after the trip, he'll still ask to "go on airplane, go see Sully?"

Also, since Daddy was jetlagged from a red-eye, and RJ takes an afternoon nap, I got to go off with Eva for a little bit. As much as I love having RJ, I've really missed being able to hang out with friends without a kiddo around.

On Saturday, Lance, Sully, RJ, and I went to Harvard Square for some Mr. Bartley's burgers and a walk through Harvard Yard. RJ hilariously pitched a fit when we wouldn't take him into Harvard's library. We tried explaining that it was not open to the public, but being that he's two, he didn't quite get it. If he ever goes to Harvard and brings home D's, I'm SO bringing up this particular incident.

Then we met up with Heather, Steve, & Jace for some sprinkler park fun before all of us met Jordi, Jen, & Josie in Arlington for a dinner picnic at a local park (which I actually knew of from my days babysitting a little girl in Arlington during grad school!). RJ and Jace had great fun running around the entire baseball diamond and playing in the sand pit equipped with kid-powered diggers while Josie explored the play structure.

Then on Sunday, Sully, Lance, and I took RJ to the New England Aquarium. I don't know if it's just that it was the first aquarium I've ever been to, or what, but the New England Aquarium is my favorite, even after visiting the newer and bigger Georgia and Monterey Bay Aquariums in the last year or so. I think the NE Aquarium has the best set up for maximizing animal viewing without being trampled. I especially like the spiral walk around the big tank. We found one of the many windows and RJ perched there for a while watching the sea turtles and sharks and fish swim by. The aquarium was busy, but we still felt like we had time to see the animals, and didn't have to shuffle around or through the crowd. Also, for penguins, you really can't beat the New England Aquarium. First, they have the rockhopper penguins (the ones with the bright yellow tufts coming out of their heads), which are clearly the cutest of all the penguins (in Lance and my opinion at least). Second, they have a huge area for all the penguins, so everyone can see them and you don't feel guilty for standing there watching them for a while. We even spoiled RJ and bought him a big plush rockhopper penguin to take home (okay it was only because they were out of the small plus rockhoppers). That was fun carting around the airport/airplane. Thank goodness we had a direct flight!

On Sunday night, our friends threw a party gathering all the kids and parents to one place, basically to see us. I'm really touched that we're missed enough to be an excuse for a party! It always makes me feel good knowing that we still have friends even after moving so far away. Although I just heard that Boston got snow already...so I think we need to convince some of our friends to come visit us out here, where it is 80 degrees out and sunny in October!


Thank you to Heather, Steve, and Jace for organizing everyone, and thanks to Justin, Saru, and Ryan for hosting the event (even on short notice!). I wish we could visit more often and for longer to catch up with everyone more! We had a great time. I love watching RJ interact with all the Boston kiddos. Despite our not seeing them often, he does know them all by name from their pictures online!

We had a quiet day on Monday, taking our time packing up and went out for dinner at Legal Seafood with Eva and Michele to feed our cravings for Maine lobster. I'm happy to report that RJ declared lobster as "yummy". He's well on his way toward having my expensive taste in food!

I really wish that I had taken more pictures from this trip - I think I was just so excited to see everyone again that I didn't think to snap pictures. If anyone else has any from when we were there, I'd love to see them!

Pittsburgh Visit - Summer 2009

Grammie, RJ, and I drove down to Pittsburgh so that RJ could see his GGma and GGdad and Aunt Helen and Uncle Jim. We made a quick pit stop at the Grove City outlets on the way down to let RJ stretch his legs and so I could get him and daddy some Steelers gear and check out the Columbia outlet for RJ's winter coat. Of course, despite leaving at a reasonable time for RJ to take a nap, he completely refused to nap until we got off the exit in Pittsburgh.

We had a really nice visit. RJ wowed his GGs with his vocabulary. He really enjoyed reading his new book (that Grammie bought him at the outlets) with GGdad. I think they both got a kick out of asking RJ, "Where's the Judge?".

RJ also got the opportunity to learn one of daddy's old tricks: Rolling down his grandparent's backyard hill. It took Uncle Jim a couple of tries, but eventually RJ was log-rolling down the hill like an old pro. I think the next time we're there in the winter snow, we might just need to borrow or buy a sled for him!

It's unfortunate our trip was so short!

Buffalo Visit - Summer 2009

We typically fly to Buffalo around Christmas time so that we can see most, if not all members of my side of the family in the short period of time that we can get off during the holidays. However, this year will be the first year ever that we're not going to be able to go back to Buffalo or Pittsburgh for the Holidays, because mid-November marks the beginning of my third trimester of pregnancy, and flying is not recommended in the third trimester and Christmas Eve is exactly one month to my due date.

So...this summer we decided that RJ and I would take some time and see some family and we did just that. RJ got to spend some quality time with Grammie, Grandpa, Aunt Amy (who flew up from South Carolina) and his Great Grandparents too.

RJ was pretty much spoiled by everyone. He was on a permanent sugar high from his daily ice cream cone from Grammie. I suppose these are the kinds of things that children get away with when they don't see their Grandparents very often!

Also, we got a chance to do some of the things that there's rarely time and/or the right weather for.

Grandpa, Aunt Amy, and I took RJ to the Buffalo Zoo so he could see the animals. He was particularly enthralled with the elephants and the otters. It was interesting for us adults too because the elephants were having a little scuffle while we were watching them. The one elephant tried to hit the other one with its trunk. I can't say that I've ever seen that before. While the animals are always a hit, RJ was also very happy to have a chance to ride the train and the carousel and play on the playground while we were there.

We also went to the Taste of Lancaster with Aunt Amy and Grammie, where RJ's big thrill was getting to see a modified bobcat pick up garbage cans. He called it a digger and was even more thrilled when he got to see it parked as we were walking to the car.

Aunt Amy, RJ, and I also met Grandpa for some playing and trail walking at Steigelmeier (a.k.a. Losson) Park. It was pretty fun watching RJ play on the same playground that I remember being put in when I was a kid and running away from us on the same trails that I explored as a kid.

Grammie, RJ and I also went to the Taste of Williamsville one night. RJ completely downed some cucumber gazpacho (it was amazing) and scallops and really enjoyed getting to climb into the fire truck driver's seat and play with the fire hose (the fire fighters had a wooden house with trap door "fire" to shoot the water at with the hose). He also nearly gave Grammie a heart attack because I let him play in the bounce house with the rowdy big kids and climb the jungle gym. Sadly, I don't have any pictures of this, but Grammie might on her phone.

Grammie and I also took RJ to the Strong Museum of Play in Rochester. RJ really liked playing in the white pearl "sand"box, playing with the slinkies, the race cars, and a ball pulley thing that let him pull a rope making a ball go up and then fall out on various metal tracks all suspended from the ceiling. I think he was confused by the infinity mirrors, but it made for a cool picture.

Also, for our gastronomical delights (in addition to loads of ice cream from Anderson's, Frosty's, and Antoinette's), we got some Texas Red Hots (a.k.a. Slime Dogs), Roast beef from Anderson's, and some tastes from various restaurants in Lancaster and Williamsville at their respective "Taste of..." events. We also got some real yummy homemade meals. Thank you to everyone for taking good care of us while we were in Buffalo!

If you click on any of the pictures, you will be linked to all our Buffalo Summer 2009 pictures.

RJ in Monterey

This summer, we had some pretty lofty goals of seeing more of the California hotspots. In the three years we've been here, we've been to the Bay Area cities, up Mt. Diablo, Santa Cruz, LA twice (once exploring Hollywood and once exploring Santa Monica/Venice/Marina Del Rey/Downtown LA), Calaveras County (Gold Country), Sacramento, and Lake Tahoe (albeit briefly). This isn't bad for jumping right into new jobs our first year, having a newborn and a family wedding our first full summer here, and buying a house last summer. This summer was the first where we were sort of free to actually ENJOY living here. Of course this summer also involved a new position, pregnancy, and a trip across the country (because we can't travel at Christmas!), so really, it's always something!

Our trip to the Monterey Pennisula was the first of our summer travel destinations. We started our long weekend with a long car ride there. I think it was about 3.5 hours - although it should've been closer to 2.5 or 3 hours. But we had a potty training toddler who required us to pull over and let him use the potty on the side of the road several times. For those considering this - a potty that has the removable cup in it to dump the pee is desirable. I was able to pour all his pee into used spring water bottles and dump it into a toilet at our destination.

Anyway, by the time we arrived, it was lunch time. So, we stumbled upon the very yummy Paris Bakery Cafe, where we had some delectable sandwiches (for example, mine had melted brie in it!) and checked into the hotel to get RJ down for a nap. He slept in the big boy hotel bed for the first time!

After nap we left our room which RJ described as "open the door, see ocean", we rented a surrey and rode up and down the coastline bike path from Lover's Point, where we were staying, to Old Fisherman's Wharf and back. This was a great orientation to the area that we were going to explore more thoroughly over the next couple of days. RJ really enjoyed riding up front and telling mommy and daddy to "go faster". Also, these contraptions are not the easiest to maneuver or judge, but we managed not to get ourselves hit by a car while crossing streets or hit anyone else using the bike path.

After dinner in Pacific Grove, we were drawn to a jazz band playing outside of an art gallery and RJ couldn't resist dancing to the music, which everyone around enjoyed!

On our second day, we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. RJ's favorites were the sharks (Galapagos and Hammerhead), Southern Sea Otters, and of course the African Blackfooted Penguins, who we got to watch during feeding time. Mostly he enjoyed the hands on exhibits that involved sticking his hands in the water. The tricky part was when he kept trying to put his hands in his mouth after touching the starfish in the petting tank or just after putting on the hand sanitizer. After the aquarium we strolled down Cannery Row and had some lunch.

After nap, we headed to the Dennis the Menace Playground, which is massive. There are slides built into hills, a suspension bridge, a train engine to climb on, a hedge maze, and several play structures. I think RJ would've been satisfied with only the train though, as we had to convince him that the playground was worth his attention. Once he saw it and went down a few slides, he was hooked though! It must be overwhelming for a toddler to have all that fun in one place!

Then on our last day, we decided that a whale watch would be really cool. Unfortunately, the Pacific Ocean is quite choppy and we were on a smaller boat than we had expected (a fishing tour boat really). RJ thought it was a blast, but I got seasick after walking to the bathroom to pee and Lance got seasick just from sitting on the boat. I probably would've been fine if I wouldn't have moved or gotten out of the breeze or been pregnant but the combination of morning sickness and being on a incessantly rocking and bobbing boat was (in retrospect) a recipe for disaster. Having NEVER gotten motion sickness of any kind in my life though, we really didn't expect me to have any problems. So, poor RJ had both his parents puking, but he was just happy to be on a boat. We did actually get a whale sighting, although this was limited to seeing the whale's dorsal fin occasionally.

After exploring Old Fisherman's Wharf and getting some food back in our bellies, we took the 17 mile drive tour through Pebble Beach on our way to the freeway. This was largely a tactic to get RJ to nap during his normal (1-3pm) time and still see a little more of Monterey, but instead we had a whining toddler in the car and the sights were not so spectacular. Lance and I both thought that the "Lone" Cypress was a joke. If you look at our pictures - you'll very clearly see that the tree immortalized as the symbol of Pebble Beach is not nearly as alone as you might expect. Yeah, it's out on that ledge, but its friends are just a few feet away on the same outcropping of rock. We were not impressed by its lone-ness!

Then about 5 minutes before getting on the freeway, and about an hour or so after his normal nap would've ended, THEN RJ fell asleep for the uneventful ride home.

July 4, 2009

Two years ago, we had a newborn and barely realized it was the fourth. Last year, we tried a destination for the Fourth of July. Tahoe had quite the fireworks display and all, but traveling on a major holiday means crowds and traffic and a hassle finding lodging. So, this year we decided to stay in Tracy and see what the local celebration was like. Survey says, not too shabby!

First we went to the parade going through downtown Tracy. RJ really liked watching the classic cars and other vehicles.



Then we went to the Fourth of July festival at Lincoln Park in downtown Tracy. It was just a small carnival, but RJ convinced us that he was old enough to get on a ride and he had a blast. It seems that RJ definitely has my adventurous gene!



During this jaunt into downtown, we rigged RJ's potty seat to attach to the back of the stroller using one of the straps that hooks his booster seat to a chair. It's quite amazing how many comments you get about hanging a potty from your umbrella stroller. But hey - life shouldn't stop because you have a potty training child and it's REALLY important to be consistent with children when they're going through this process. Putting a child in a diaper for an event like this might be more convenient, but in the long run, its better to show the child that you think they can do the pottying thing while out and about too!



Then in the evening we went to the local fireworks display at the high school. It was quite a nice local display (one of the few in the whole area not canceled for budget reasons)! Plus, RJ had lots of fun jumping on the track and field mat with some other kiddos and playing catch with daddy on the field when waiting for the display to start.



All in all, the Fourth of July was a really good day.

Denver Trip - April 2009

This post is way overdue. The Biennial Meeting of the Society for Research on Child Development (SRCD) was April 2 - 4 in Denver, CO and I had a poster accepted to present at the Teaching Institute on April 1. Since Lance and RJ have never been to Colorado, we decided that they should come too. (Actually at the time when we bought our tickets, RJ hadn't officially quit breastfeeding at night, so in retrospect, I think Lance and RJ HAD to come since the boobies were going on the trip.)

Lance's mom found cheap tickets to come too, so Lance got to see his mom and RJ got to see his Grandma! An added bonus was that once RJ was down for the night, Lance and I got to go out on the town a little. One night we hit Coyote Ugly, which was the closest bar to our hotel, for a couple of drinks. No, I did not dance on the bar, which I know is not like me, but conferences are tiring!! On another night, we met up with one of my grad school friends, Mike and his wife and got a few drinks at Rock Bottom.

It was nice to catch up on some of the Brandeis gossip with Mike and with my advisors, Joe and Mick, who were also at the conference.

I spent a good deal of the first few days at the conference, while Lance and Grandma took RJ to the library and explored the Civic Center area and we all tried to get used to the cold! It snowed on our first full day there! As RJ says, "BRRRRR, cold". Thank goodness the hotel was only a couple of blocks from the convention center and the free bus circuit!

While I took some breaks from the conference, we visited Red Rocks Ampitheater, where RJ surprised us by climbing a good half of the staircase up to the ampitheater and then most of the amphitheater stairs!



We also enjoyed exploring the small cave in the side of the Red Rocks.



On Saturday, I skipped the conference altogether so we could drive up to Boulder and visit with the Besens for lunch. RJ spent most of this time chasing Audrey around trying to kiss her and being equally overzealous in wanting to touch baby Clive, specifically pointing out that he has eyes.





After lunch, we went for a nice drive up in the mountains (hoping to give RJ a nice long nap before arriving back in Denver), but instead, he didn't really want to sleep and instead got to go out and walk in some snow, although he was not very keen on the experience and insisted on being carried instead. He did like seeing it though!

Potty Pwned

Over the past two weeks we've had only one accident. We're pretty much down to only getting wet diapers overnight.

On a recent car trip RJ asked for the potty and when asked if he could "hold it" repeated "hold it... hold it... hold it" pitifully for the following 20 minutes before making it to the destination. He held it and made it to the potty in time. His one accident this week was pretty much the same scenario, only he couldn't make it the rest of the trip.

This past weekend RJ woke up at 5am, yuck, but asked to go to the potty, did so with a completely dry diaper, and then went back to bed for another two hours!



(for those that don't get the title check wikipedia: pwn)

Guess who's pregnant again...

Guess who's pregnant. Relax, it's not Lance's supervisor. It's me!

We're gearing up for round two of "having a baby". RJ will become a big brother at the end of January. My due date is January 24, which means that I'm currently 12 weeks preggo and all is well. Now all we need is an in utero name for baby 2...it's hard to come up with a decent follow up to "Nugget". We're not a fan of Nugget 2.0, although Evil Fetus is starting to grow on me! Feel free to weigh in on what we should call this baby before he/she has a real name.

This pregnancy is not as easy as when I was pregnant with RJ. With him, I did not feel pregnant until I was 5 or 6 months along and I had happy hormones the whole time (yes, go ahead and hate on me for that!). With this one, I have been exhausted and nauseous and cranky. Luckily, I'm still functional through it all, but it is a huge annoyance especially when I'm starting a new position!

I am very happy that we were able to find an independent birth center this time around. While I had a midwife with RJ and a natural childbirth, which was the essence of what I was looking for in a birth, and of course had a great outcome, I was not happy being in the hospital, with my birth position, or all the interruptions in the postpartum room. Plus my first labor nurse was an evil bitch. I was ready to go home the night RJ was born (he was born at 4:24pm) and we were stuck staying the day after - not for any actual medical reasons though. I am very happy to report that we will be birthing at "A Sacred Birth Place" in Oakland, with a midwife, assistant midwife, and doula in a supportive, comfortable environment. I want to give birth squatting and here I could do so in water if I choose too. Plus, we will get to return to our home (with a house visit the day after) as soon as we are ready.

Also, it's absolutely true that one "pops" earlier with second pregnancies. I didn't really start showing or needing maternity clothes until I was about 16 or 17 weeks with RJ. This time around I feel like I need a props department from a tv sitcom to figure out how to hide my bump since I haven't shared the news with my supervisor (the dean) yet and I pretty much need to start breaking out the maternity and looser elastic bottoms because my clothes are getting tight. I was supposed to share with the dean last week, but my meeting was canceled due to his appendix bursting and subsequent emergency surgery! (He's recovering well though and I made sure that flowers were sent from the Child Development Center specifically!)

I guess it's time to start taking belly pictures again. One of Lance's coworkers really raised the bar this time around:

Dr. Cheryl DeLancey's Child Development Center Director Cool Dream Job

If anyone was paying attention to our blog inactivity or my facebook ranting about grading, you probably already know that April through June has been a little hectic. One reason for that was my teaching load. I was teaching the normal amount of courses, but the combination of the courses was bad. I was teaching a lecture course, a lab course, and a writing proficiency course that was also a research seminar. It amounted to a lot of grading and a lot of student contact. Another reason is that I presented at a conference in Denver at the beginning of April and that put me behind in all the grading. (More on the Denver trip will be posted soon!)

And lastly, during the last month of classes, my colleague decided to resign from her position as the director of the Child Development Center (effective July 1) and asked me if I was interested in the position since I had filled in for her when she was on maternity leave last year. My only worry was that I might have been TOO enthusiastic in saying yes since this has been my dream job since my days at the Children's School at Carnegie Mellon. I spent many many hours working as a teacher's aide and a researcher at the Carnegie Mellon Children's School, which was the laboratory preschool for the Psychology Department. Dr. Sharon Carver, the director of the Children's School, was my honors thesis advisor and while I shifted gears toward studying emotions in graduate school, there was a part of me that had always wanted to get her gig and go back to educational research.

So, as I was trying to get through my final crunch time for grading, I was also having extra meetings with the Child Development committee, the Department Chair, and the Dean to gain their support to be appointed as director AND having to keep it a secret from several people who I really wanted to tell. I did gain that support, and therefore didn't have to apply or compete for the position. If, for example, my department chair didn't provide support, then the position would've had to be announced and there would've been an application process with other applicants. But, luckily, all the people who needed to be supportive were, so I was vetted and the only candidate. On June 5, I had my appointment letter in my hand and happily signed it and have spent June transitioning into the position. As of July 1, I am the Director of the Child Development Center at CSU Stanislaus and I couldn't be happier. RJ (and Lance) helped me move into my new office on July 3:



This job is perfect for me. I will still teach college students as a tenure track professor, but only one class a semester. I love to teach and a single class will be more manageable. In addition to that single class, I will also teach the instructional component of the internships that take place at the Child Development Center and I'll still have all the research and service/committee requirements as before. However, since I will be actively involved in working with the preschool teachers on curriculum and techniques, I will have an easier time gathering data than I did before. I will also have considerable management and administrative duties. Under my managament, I have an administrative coordinator (i.e. secretary) who schedules my meetings with students and directs my phone calls as well as handling the office tasks and our purchasing and financial records, and I have an assistant director who handles much of the day to day aspects of the center, such as child enrollment and registration, as well as support for the teachers on the floor. My favorite perk is that on occasion, my responsibility will be to go into the classroom and play with the preschoolers and infants to provide the teachers with potty breaks and improve our ratio for on-campus walks. Yes, that means that I will get to hang out with RJ sometimes during the day. :)

One downside is that I am working 4 days a week this summer in order to get up to speed and to also make sure that I get some writing done for submissions to journals. Even though I'm not at a research university, I still need to publish something (or at least submit) or I will "perish". So, I'm not spending as much time with RJ as I had hoped, but I'm seeing him more than I did during the school year, and hopefully, with this position, I will get to see him more when the school year starts up too. Next summer, when I'm up to speed and have more of a publication buffer, I will get to work a little less. I think the time investment is worth it! After all, I am finally doing something that I have wanted to do for just over a decade and faculty directors of university lab schools are a very very very rare breed indeed, so I am very, very, very, lucky to have landed this position!

2 Year Checkup

RJ is a very healthy 2 year old.

Stats:
He creeped up to the 50th percentile for weight (27.5 lbs) and stayed steady at the 90th percentile for height (36"). He's at 15 BMI. All systems are working well and Dr. Moilanen was impressed with his speech and vocabulary and his potty training. Also, now that he's two, she recommended that we switch to 2% milk from whole milk.


Conversation/Verbal Skills:
We're also pretty impressed by our precocious two year old. He can carry on whole conversations with you, which can be highly entertaining when he makes up stories. 5-6 word sentences are not at all uncommon now. He can pick up a well-read book and tell you the story. He doesn't recite verbatim or anything (except for the last word of each phrase in "The Lorax"), but he clearly gets the story across. Similarly, he learns the lyrics to songs at a remarkable rate and sings songs fairly in tune and with feeling. Hearing his super version of "Good Day Sunshine" is a great thing on the way home from work! He also is getting more specific about his music tastes - he has definite song preferences. Right now on the RJ request list are "Yellow Submarine", "Good Day Sunshine" (aka Sunshine Song), "And Your Bird Can Sing" (aka Bird Song), "Dr. Robert", "Taxman" and "With a Little Help from My Friends" (aka Friend Song). There is a clear preference for the Lennon-McCartney catalog, which a general dislike of several Harrison authored songs. For some reason, the minute he hears the sitar, he starts saying, "No like it. next song peeeze". I guess he's allowed to have his preferences and at least I'm no longer needing to listen to children's music exclusively in the car! Although it would be nice if I had an ipod so I could listen to more than one CD at a time and create a playlist of RJ-approved songs so that I don't have to play jukebox!

Play: In terms of play, he is solidly in the midst of pretend play. He makes up things all the time and has hit the milestone of turning anything into anything else. For example a piece of bread can be a bus or a train or a telephone with ease. He's no longer bound by the toys he has since his imagination is in full throttle. I love that he has turned simple blocks into "cargo" for his train.


Physical Prowess: RJ also loves climbing. Our closest playground has a little kid area (2-5 yrs) and a big kid area (5-12 yrs) and he spends all of 5 minutes at the little kid area before running over to "the other park" and scaling the climbing wall or making mommy lift him up to the monkey bars! We took him to another neighborhood park where he scaled a rope ladder pyramid and balanced across a rope bridge. All were under very close parental supervision, but still, he was very much doing the work on his own. I can't wait until I can take him to the rock gym! I'll finally have a climbing buddy again!


Sleep: He's now sleeping on a mat (instead of in his sleep tent) for his naps at Daisy's house, and we converted his crib side to the toddler guardrails at home. He's doing really well with a 2 hour afternoon nap and about 10-11 hours at night. Teacher Andrew has gotten him to relinquish his paci during naps, and we're working on removing his nightime paci. Our first step is making him listen to story time without the paci, and the next step will be taking it away entirely.

Potty: He's doing great. As you can tell from our previous posts, he's generally wearing underwear when he's not sleeping - and he frequently wakes up from nap dry. We just make sure to have the potty with us if we're going somewhere where there isn't an immediately available potty. Also, we recently found that the strap from his booster chair also doubles as a strap to keep the potty attached to the back of his stroller!


Overall, RJ is just a great kid to have around. He has his cranky and whiney days from time to time, but usually this happens when we're messing with his schedule or when he feels strongly about something. Or of course when we're in a hurry. But most of the time, he has his good listening ears on and is eager to please.

Bed Transformers: Prevention of the Fallen

In January we learned that taking the pacifier away from RJ resulted in a Prison Break and a bloody lip.

We wanted to try taking the beloved paci away again and not wanting to repeat the incidents of our last attempt we've planned a gradual phase out.

Stage 1: No more paci for naps

Our babysitter this summer, Andrew, took the initiative to attempt getting RJ to nap without paci. He cried for it, but didn't try to hurt himself or get off his nap mat. Within a few days, RJ didn't even fuss for it. We've had more difficulty at home but yesterday Cheryl was able to get him to nap in his bed without the paci with only some crying.

Stage 2: Transition to toddler bed

This has gone well so far. His crib is convertible, so we just took off the front and put on the toddler guardrails. It has surprised us a bit, but so far RJ stays in bed all night long and hasn't fallen out yet. The first night, we found that he squirmed his head just over the edge in the non-guardrailed middle portion, but he's stayed put in an appropriate sleeping position since then.



Stage 3: No more paci until after storytime is over

We're working on this stage. At first, he just cried and thrashed around in his bed until the story was over, but now he fusses for a few minutes, generally calms down and listens to the second half of the story (sometimes more), and starts begging for the paci right after the story is done.

Stage 4: No more paci FOREVER

We're not here, yet, but we're going to try soon.

RJ now requests a sippy with water every night, so perhaps this will provide a convenient substitute.

RJ's Second Birthday

RJ's party was the Sunday before his birthday, but we still did a little, albeit somewhat unorthodox celebrating on his actual birthday.



Our plan was to take him to an indoor play place called Habitot in Berkeley. It had some good reviews from the Berkeley Parents Network and we thought he'd dig it. However, by the time we actually got ourselves out the door, it was nearly time for lunch. So where should one take a two year old for his birthday lunch? The fancy shmansy expensive Chez Panisse Cafe, of course. Toddlers everywhere are clamoring to eat their Nettle Pizza, Soul Food Chicken, or Fancy Lamb and Goat. RJ seemed to enjoy the crayons they gave him and the fact that I had one of his little cars in my purse for him to drive under his bread crust "tunnel". Oh, and he LOVED the beans that came with my dish.



We ended up going because we'd been interested in trying out the place for quite a while - it's the birthplace of California Cuisine, vocal in the organic and locally grown food movement and the chef is world reknown (one of the top 50). The food was absolutely amazing and while we were perhaps dressed a bit too casually (the cafe is more casual than the restaurant so we weren't the only ones in jeans), I think Lance and I should go when we don't have a toddler hanging out with us.



Then it was on to Habitot, where RJ played all afternoon - pretty much through his regular naptime until we finally decided to head home at 3:30 and had to carry him out throwing an "I don't wanna leave" tantrum. My overall opinion of the place was that it is a great place to go with kids who don't normally go to preschool - they had an art area, the water table room, a dramatic play area with tractors and a barn and dress up, another dramatic play area set up as a grocery store, a reading room, and a climbing structure. But since RJ already goes to preschool, it seemed a little redundant with that experience - although he clearly had a blast.



Then on the way home, we hit all of the friday afternoon traffic (yuck), and decided to take the scenic route home that goes through the hills south of the main freeway pass. It's a good thing we did, because as we were driving out of the hills, we started to see smoke. Yeah...the hills by our house were on fire, and when we turned on the news upon getting home, it turns out that they were shutting down the freeway due to poor visibility from the smoke. Our whole neighborhood smelled of smoke (luckily our air conditioning filtered out the air inside our house), but even though over 2100 acres burned and it got close to I-580, which runs about 2 miles south of our house, our neighborhood was not in any danger - the fire would've had to jump a freeway, two aquaducts, and a few roads to get to us. But it was quite an exciting day for RJ's birthday!

Discipline

There seems to be some discussion in the blogosphere about discipline a while back by several friends. We all need some way of getting our rambunctious toddlers to do the things that we'd like them to and to avoid doing the things that we don't want them to do. This semester, RJ had been testing the limits on and off at school (he seems to act up more when he's excited and when he's teething). In the first week that he started acting aggressively, he bit, kicked, pushed, hit, and sat on other children. That week sucked - I thought my child was a demon spawn! Luckily the biting was short lived - a total of twice and hopefully never to be seen again-, the sitting on was a one-time occurrence, and the kicking lasted a week. However, the hitting and pushing is something that resurfaces from time to time.

So, how do we deal with these normal toddler behaviors so that children learn to behave appropriately as preschoolers, older children, adolescents, and adults?

I wanted to share what Lance and I, along with RJ teachers at school do - because it is working really well and because the techniques are those that are backed up by research and practice and in line with the guidelines and recommendations of the National Association for the Education of the Young Child (NAEYC) for Developmentally Appropriate Practice.

1.) We tell him what we'd like him to be doing as an alternative for what he is doing. (Positive Direction)
Ex. If he's hitting momma, I say, "RJ, gentle hands on Momma"

2.) We let him know how his actions make us (or his friends) feel.
Ex. If RJ hits Hayden, we say, "RJ, it makes Hayden sad when you hurt him" or "It makes Teacher Kasie sad when we hurt our friends"

3.) We give him choices between two appropriate behaviors. He gets to make a choice and we get him to do what we want him to - a win-win situation!
Ex. "RJ would you like to eat lunch in the high chair or the big boy chair" OR as of late when he starts doing the pee-pee dance, "RJ would you like to use the potty by yourself or would you like Mommy to take you?"

4.) We use words that let him know that his behavior is a choice.
Ex. "RJ you may play with the play doh if it stays on the table. Otherwise, we need to choose something else"

5.) Allow repeated opportunities to make the appropriate choices and practice listening skills.
Ex. RJ likes to run away on the walks at school. So Kasie puts him in the stroller and tells him that "We need to stay with our teachers if we walk." Then after they reach their destination and get out, he'll have the choice to walk or ride for the way back. "

6.) Praise whenever we notice he is acting appropriately, especially if it's an area he's struggling with or working on.
Ex. "RJ I really like how you're being gentle with Daisy" or "Yay for pee pee in the potty!" or "Nice sharing. It makes Mommy happy to see you share."

We don't use any time outs as punishment, which, if you listen to the popular media and many pediatricians, are quite in vogue. This is both a boon and a bane for children. The promotion of time outs is good because using time out is a million times better than any form of corporal punishment (i.e., spanking, swatting a hand). Research has shown time and again that spanking leads to bad outcomes, most notably more aggression. Even more importantly, spanking, IF it does curb the undesirable behavior (it won't for many children), it does so by creating a fear of the spanker AND it uses extrinsic motivation. The goal isn't to create a zombie child that behaves only because they are avoiding punishment or out of fear. The goal IS to create a child who behaves because HE wants to behave. Guidance works by providing the child with a sense of self-efficacy (the sense that they can behave in the appropriate way) and giving the child a voice in the process. If guidance is used well, there is no need for punishment of any kind.

However, while time outs are better than corporal punishment, they also aren't extremely effective if used in the traditional manner. Time outs shouldn't be used as a punishment, rather as a way to calm down. With that said, time outs that are of the "sit there and think about what you did" variety are pretty useless and toddlers and preschoolers really don't have the cognitive capacity to be so retrospective. Even when they are older, few children actually think about what they did - most stew and get angry at whoever made them sit down and miss the action. Time outs, if they are used should be a chance for the child to calm down, which might include screaming to let out frustration, pounding play-doh, etc. Few people can calm down by being forced to sit in a chair or in a corner. Also, the best way to use time out, is as an option for the child before discussing the natural consequences of their behaviors. Sometimes the child needs the time to calm down, and other times they don't. In any case, the time-out shouldn't be the consequence of their behavior. The consequence should match the behavior. Examples include - saying "I'm sorry" to someone the child hurt, helping cleaning up the mess she made, or giving up a contentious toy for the immediate time period. However, even these are not necessary most of the time if you're guiding the child toward appropriate behavior and praising them (not using tangible rewards - you want them to be intrinically motivated to act appropriately) when they are behaving.

We try our best to promote RJ's good behavior by simply encouraging good behavior through positive direction and responding to negative behaviors with explanations, natural consequences, and choices.

As a side note, these techniques also work by promoting guilt, rather than shame, in the child. Guilt is an emotion that promotes action to rectify a situation, whereas shame is a withdrawal emotion that leads to feeling bad about oneself, rather than about the behavior. By focusing on the child's behavior ("It makes mommy sad when you hit Boca") rather than the child themselves ("It makes mommy sad when you're a bad boy") it activates guilt, which is helpful, rather than shame, but also provides the child with a sense that what they did was bad and can be changed, versus the child perceiving oneself as bad, which is a more stable trait that is harder to change.

Resources used:
Wilson, 1994
Hearron & Hildebrandt, 2008
Lansford et al., 2005