Funny Shit Kids Say: 2011 Edition

This is all the funny, sweet, or notable phrases we've recorded during 2011 (RJ aged 3.5 - 4.5, Logan aged 1-2)

• Jan 9 , 2011 - After (finally) unpacking my margarita classes, I (jokingly) say to Lance, "Maybe Logan's birthday party should be margarita themed". RJ replied, "But mom, Logan can't drink anything." Good point, RJ...thanks for pointing it out for me. 
• Feb 18, 2011 - RJ: "when you have a girl baby, she can wear it (the panda costume)". Me: "when are we having a girl baby? I'm not pregnant, RJ" RJ: "the day after Saturday"  
• Feb 25, 2011 - RJ: "When I grow up, I want to be the director of my school." Hmmm...I think RJ and I have similar goals. 
• March 4, 2011 - Me: "You're one of my favorite people". RJ: "I know Mom, but I wish you had a penis"  
• March 25, 2011 - Daddy: What is the most famous orca? RJ: Sham.....paigne. D: No not champaigne, RJ: Shampoo!  
• March 25, 2011 - Something I will never say no to. "Mommy, may I have more broccoli? I'm being an herbivore."  
• May 4, 2011 - RJ just informed me that he would start listening better when he turns 4. If that's the case, June cannot come quick enough.  
• May 7, 2011 - RJ informed me earlier that he wanted to get me a broom, worms, and snakes for Mothers Day, so tomorrow should be interesting...  
• May 26, 2011 - RJ: "Mom, where is my birthday [party]?" Me: "Where do you want your birthday party?" [STUPID MOMMY!!] RJ: "In Washington." [Where his friend Hayden just moved] Poor kid.  
• June 4, 2011 - First words out of RJs mouth this morning, "mommy, is Sully here?" Now in the car to go get him and RJ tells us, "I'm going to cover him in kisses!"
• June 11,2011 - We're on our way home from a great birthday party where RJ had a great time and he says, "I miss Sully." Not easily forgotten.  
• June 15, 2011 - RJ just asked for Mint Ice Cream Dinosaur Eggs to go with his T-rex sitting on a rock 3D cake. This kid really does think I'm super-mom, huh?  
• June 26, 2011 - RJ: "mojitos are good for adults." Mommy: "yes, yes they are." 
• June 29, 2011 - Just found four more apricots in the kids' pantry. This literally moments after answering RJs questions about how babies get in ones uterus. 
• July 3, 2011 - RJ: "I'm happy I got to pee in a bottle! It was my first time!"  
• July 17, 2011 - RJ upon seeing a Justin Bieber mylar balloon in a store, "Look, a pinata!!"  
• July 19, 2011 - RJ is making up songs, " looook at the happiness on his face. Heee's having a greeeeaaaat day. Oh helicopter you flyyyy so high." Might have to record this one.  
• July 28, 2011 - RJ: "I will find a girl who wants to be a mommy, spray sperm into her, then when the baby comes out I will protect it every day. And when I grow up people will call me Reed."
• ‎Jayson DeLancey: "Where is my Black Sweatshirt?" Me:"Hanging in the closet" Lance: "Oh, I didn't think to look there." 
• Sept 3, 2011 - ‎"RJ, are you going to tell Madeline about how you're going to marry Ashlan?" RJ: "No! Its special! A special secret!" Hmm guess I shouldn't have posted it on facebook then.  
• September 22, 2011 - Me: "Good Morning, Logan" (who was still in his crib). Logan: (Points to his behind) "Butt!" (Points to his front) "Penis!" Thanks for the anatomy lesson little one. 
• Sept 23, 2011 - RJ: "Mom? I think I'm smarter than any paleontologist around. They thought something was a horn and it wasn't. That's why I'm smarter." Yep, nothing wrong with his self esteem. 
• Sept 23, 2011 - RJ is on fire today with the quotes. Today during clean-up time (said in a perfect robot-voice): "I am a robot. I am not programmed to clean up. I get distracted easily during clean up time." I tried reprogramming Mr. Roboto but it was unsuccessful. I would hope that Jayson DeLancey would have better luck. However, he is also the one that taught RJ the phrase: "Does not compute".  
• October 9, 2011 - RJ: "Daddy, I want to go somewhere where robots serve dinner".  
• October 13, 2011 - RJ: "He sings like a girl" [pointing at Kurt from Glee].  
• Oct 15, 2011 - RJ just started singing "Freak Out". Then he exclaimed, "I'm copying Glee!" Oh how I love him.  
• Oct 23, 2011 - RJ: "I didn't like it when Puss lost his boots cuz then he was just the cat in the hat."  
• Oct 24, 2011 - RJ:"I did donkey kicks!" Coach Josh:"oh cool!" RJ: "At a wedding!"  
• Oct 25, 2011 - Me: "You must've been sleepy" RJ: "Mommy, I'm not a dwarf!"  
• Oct 25, 2011 - RJ likes to ask about our day when he gets home from preschool. Today, his response to me telling him that Logan used the potty all morning was, "I didn't know my brother could do that!"  
• Oct 28, 2011 - I have my work cut out for me with RJ. E.g., "I am going to marry Ashlan, Madeline, and Maddie so we can have lots of babies all together. Actually I need to have 10 so I need help with them all."   
• Oct 29, 2011 - Me:"RJ, how can you not like cheese?" RJ:"Because I am a sushi fan!" Logan:"Momma, sushi? SUSHI!" and we thought they'd like the stuffed crust pizza.  
• Nov 5, 2011 - Daddy: "The high is only 60 today" Mommy: "Oh that's cold" RJ: "That's like WINTER cold!" Oh our little California boy!  
• Nov 7, 2011 - Unintentional humor= Mommy : "please sit up and eat" (instead of hanging on me and hitting his head against my arm). RJ: "I love you so much I want to keep banging you"  
• Nov 8, 2011 - RJ: (screaming) "I need help calming down!" Logan: "in...out...in...out" RJ: " is Logan trying to get me to breath?" Wow Logan has been paying attention.  
• Nov 9, 2011 - Logan: "Daddy. penis." [points to mommy's mouth]. Hmm...never thought I'd have to say "That's not where Daddy's penis goes" to my 21 month old.  
• Nov 11, 2011 - RJs opinion of my coconut almond milk yogurt: "yuck. It tastes like twiddlebugs" good! More for me (and Logan). And...now I guess I know what a twiddlebug tastes like...delicious.
• Nov 18, 2011 - RJ: "ROAR!!!" Logan: "Arrrrgh Matey!" Dinosaur vs. Pirate? I have NO IDEA what they're playing right now. 
• Nov 23, 2011 -  RJ:" Logan, stop it! You're a sticky little mess; don't touch me!" (Logan was actually sticky from pomegranate jelly)
• Nov 28, 2011 -  RJ: (Randomly at dinner) "I'm thankful for my family. Even though its not turkey day anymore we can still be thankful for stuff. Being thankful is like liking stuff."
• Dec 10, 2011 -  RJ: "Mommy, I love you. And I love the tree. I'm going to marry the Christmas tree, but I'm not going to kiss it, I'm just going to hug it to get married to it. But when I grow up."
• Dec 24, 2011 -  "Mom, I like this Polish sushi!" (pickled herring for the uninitiated!)
• Dec 28, 2011 - (To daddy as he was ushered out of the room where I was playing Glee Karaoke): "Mommy sounds like Rachel"

RJ loves his Mommy

We never got around to publishing this Mother's Day post.
----
RJ: More Kiss Mommy?
(RJ gets his kiss)
RJ: Thank you! More hug?
(RJ gets his hug)
RJ: Thank you! More kiss?
...and if he doesn't get another kiss
RJ: Pease!

Future Tree Hugger Making Connections

When RJ first took it upon himself to start potty training a couple months ago (editor's note: 2 months to be exact when we started writing this post), he wanted to spend what seemed like all his time sitting in the bathroom on the potty with a book. I'd like to reiterate that this was not a parental choice, but rather an RJ request. He liked sitting on the potty both before and after he went. And he was fairly demanding about books while sitting on his "throne". (editor's note: Now it's all about how fast he can go to get back to "playtime".)

During one of his marathon sittings, we were reading the Truck book, which has 100 different kinds of trucks in it (who knew that there WERE 100 different types of trucks!?). On the first pages there is a farm scene that blends into a forest scene. The pages feature several farm trucks and logging vehicles. This page spurred the following conversation.

RJ: (pointing to the stumps in the logging section): Lorax!!!
Momma: Do you think the Lorax is going to come out of the stump?
RJ: Yeah.
Momma: What is the Lorax going to say when he comes out?
RJ: No cut trees!!!
Momma: RJ, I LOVE YOU!!!
RJ: Lorax...in Grapple skidder
Momma: You know the word Grapple Skidder??? Which one is the grapple skidder?
RJ: (points to grapple skidder) No...Lorax in Digger. Digger pick dirt up!

RJ the Meteorologist

San Francisco has the reputation for its fog, but for those of you that don't live in the Golden State's Central Valley we get quite a lot as well. In fact, the fog where I work is thought by some to be even worse and is known as tule fog.



I always get questions about how I like driving in the fog on my long commute, but I don't see the big deal as it's about 10 times better than driving in a blizzard. The visibility is the same, but you don't have the additional worry about sliding on ice! So it's foggy a lot this time of year (rainy season) and RJ is in my car a lot and a few times I'd have to explain to him why he couldn't see the cows and horses and goats that we typically pass on the way to school.

So last week, we were driving (through fog) to school and RJ spoke up from the back seat saying, "Mommy, Foggy, Outside". To which I responded by telling him, "Yes RJ, it IS foggy outside. That's why we can't see a whole lot."

Then he said something even more remarkable.

He said, "foggy...outside" then paused for a second or two and then said, "fRRoggy...bathtub" (he has a frog-themed bathroom).

I found this remarkable because it was showing that he could recognize the similarities between the two words as well as differentiating them for meaning (and location!). I love how he can communicate with us!



This picture was taken by Lance on his iphone on his way to work. Once the fog lifts, the rain slows, and the sun comes out it can be quite beautiful.

RJ Goes to the Library

A couple of weeks ago, when I was on a break between Winter and Spring semester that was far too short, RJ and I went to the Tracy library to meet up with my good friend Sara and his good friend Madeline. While there, RJ was pretty much in heaven, running around picking up random books and sitting on my lap to read them and then run around some more. He picked out his very own books to take home with us.

Airplanes: This was a book that was far too advanced for him on Airplanes (it was from the big kid non-fiction section, but he spotted it and became instantly obsessed with it). He loved going through it saying airplane, airplane, airplane, airplane, etc...

A Sandra Boynton board book that involves counting Hippos going to a party: This book gave him a new word to add to the "list" that I can no longer keep up with - wagon.

Trucks: A nice little book that talks about different kinds of trucks on the road. His favorite pages in the book were the page that had the bulldozer (or "digger" in RJ speak) on it and the page with the ice cream truck.

Mi Cuarto: A spanish board book that labels household items. I've been trying to expose RJ to a little Spanish, even though I don't speak it really. I remember some of the vocab from high school, but that's about it. Anyway, I would label the items in Spanish and RJ would correct me by using the English. But it did what I wanted it to do - it exposed him to it.

And finally, the book that I think RJ was using to try and send a message:



Here comes Grandma!: He was instantly obsessed with this book and he found it and picked it up all by himself. It's a cute little book where a Grandma is on her way to see a grandkid and does so by walking, bicycling, driving a bright red hot rod, riding a horse, flying an airplane, skiing, taking a hot air balloon, swimming, and riding as a stowaway on a train until she finally sees her grandkid at the end. RJ has a Grandma (Lance's mom) and a Grammie (my mom) and on about half of the readings, RJ would point to the Grandma and say "Grammie" and on about half he would say, "Grandma". I found this pretty cool that he was relating the book to his own life. He also labeled the child in the book as RJ every single time we read it! I think that RJ was trying to tell Grandma and Grammie something by picking out this book!

RJ GPS

My commute is longer than average at about 50 minutes, but more scenic than most too since we get to ride alongside the coastal range that borders Tracy on the south and west, and then drive through some of the best farmland in California as we pass vineyards, orchards and dairy farms before hitting a short piece of freeway to get to school. Yes, RJ and I do see quite a few of the "Happy Cows" of California.

Anyway, on the ride in, once we pass the farm animals, RJ is usually occupied by either begging to see a digger or a bus or chanting his current favorite teachers' and/or friends' names over and over as if that would make us get there faster (at least we know he likes school!). But on the way home, he is a little more willing to have a conversation and as we get close to home, he gets a little antsy about being in his car seat, and starts asking to get out. So when this happens I usually tell him that we're getting close and tell him which road or route # we're on and I'll give him updates when we turn. Also, RJ seems to enjoy my driving, as he says, "Whheeeee" every time I make a turn - even when it's a normal everyday turn and not the kind of turn that I'd take in a buggy or anything!

Just last week, it seems as though he's internalized these direction and can now tell you that we live on Calaveras and, while he's in the car, he will pretend he's the GPS and give the last three directions to get to our house.
Here's a little demonstration since I don't have the video camera on while I'm driving.




Now we're working on colors: red light = stop (which he pretty much has down) and green light = go, which is a little more inconsistent. He may not even be able to see the lights anyway, but he doesn't recognize the colors himself yet - he only responds to, "RJ we're at a red light, what do we do?". If you're interested in his color recognition, it's still developing. Right now, everything is yellow.

The Best Alarm Clock Ever...

...except for the always set to 6:30 AM with no snooze button part.

RJ picked up this phrase over Christmas because the two cats were always hiding. He would run around the house calling "Alphie whereareyou", "Emmie whereareyou". Then when we got back home "Boca whereareyou", "Cardi whereareyou", and has added "Daddy" to this once exclusive group.

Cycles, Bush Lies, and Videotape...

Back in August we did a quick opinion poll to see what RJ thought about our president:



Yes, this is a video from 6 months ago. We have a Sony Camcorder but bought a computer in September running Windows Vista -- which has incompatible drivers for Sony camcorders. Sony won't fix the problem and recommends firewire but our computer didn't have firewire. Anyway, the point is we finally have a solution and found time to extract some videos to share.

In other Presidents Day news -- if you follow cycling, the second stage of the AMGEN Tour of California was today. If you watch the third stage tomorrow Feb 17th you can watch Lance Armstrong ride past our house. Ok, not actually down our street but if we go to the end of our street and look over the wall of the cul de sac we could watch them ride by.