New Directions

I went back to work on April 19, and was excited to return as the director of the Child Development Center, especially without having any classes to teach for the remainder of the semester. I still had my interim director handling the day-to-day responsibilities and I had the time to really get things rolling for next Academic Year's hiring and orientation. Then the new dean (who just started in April) came on and decided that the center needed continuity of leadership and decided that to provide the continuity, my interim director should stay on for academic year 2010-11, temporarily, while a task force examines what kind of administrator the CDC should have (faculty vs. non-faculty). I cannot even begin to describe my intense frustration and upset. I had my dream job, paused to have a baby, and poof, it was gone. What is frustrating is that this decision has nothing to do with my performance - I had worked my behind off right up until the day before Logan was born.  I worked hard to make sure that there was a seamless transition between me and my interim director for my maternity leave. I didn't do anything to deserve losing the position. And the dean continues to remind me that this is just "temporary" decision and makes it sound like I'm crazy for thinking that she pulled the rug out from under me. Yeah, temporary with the potential to be permanent if the task force decides to not have a faculty director anymore. I'm not sure how that is supposed to make me feel any better. Also, I have been told that I am not being punished for having a baby and taking my leave. Um, okay, then would this have happened had I NOT had a baby?

A common question that I keep hearing when discussing this crappy situation is "How on earth is this even legal? You went on maternity leave, came back and you don't have the same job." I am told that yes, it is (unfortunately) legal.  The Director position is not really my "job", but rather an "at will appointment" under my faculty position. My official position is "Assistant Professor of Psychology and Child Development", which is a faculty position. I was given assigned time out of my faculty work load to serve as the director (50% of my time) at the pleasure of the president - my salary and faculty designation stayed the same. In any other job, this seems like it would be a violation of the Family Leave Act, because in terms of my job duties and authority, the faculty position and faculty + director position are not equal, but after speaking with my union rep, my case probably wouldn't hold water because my pay and primary job title remained the same. I  am now the owner of about 200 useless business cards that label me as the Director.   Plus, I haven't had the appointment for 12 months. 

The side effect is that I would have to revert back full time teaching (rather than 50% teaching, 50% director).  I am not willing to do that again. I resigned from the university instead.   I loved the director 50% much more than my teaching.  Over the last four years, I've become increasingly more aware that being a tenure track professor at CSU Stanislaus is simply unsustainable with the course load, plus research and extensive committee responsibilities. I did almost nothing other than work during the last 4 years. I worked evenings and weekends and still couldn't get ahead. I even worked during the summer when I wasn't being paid to work, to try and get ahead. The only difference is that when I was the director of the center during Spring 2008 (as interim), and Summer/Fall 2009/Winter 2010, I was actually enjoying the work I was doing, which made the sacrifices of fun-time, family-time, and my sanity worth it. I was also more productive in my work during my time there, even making more progress toward tenure than when I was teaching full time. While a part of me will miss the prestige of academia, I think that leaving academia was the best decision for me and for Lance, RJ, and Logan. I will have more time to spend with them and will get to enjoy our happy little family for once.

What does the future hold? First, I will finish up the semester, helping my colleague gear up for the next academic year (there is a LOT to do to get ready). My last day is June 2 and I'll probably stop by graduation on June 4 with the kiddos to see some of their teachers graduate. Then I will be a stay at home mom for a while with RJ and Logan, at least until Logan weans from daytime nursing - which if we follow RJ's timeline will be about February or March. I will look for director positions in the Bay Area, or look into starting my own independent Laboratory Preschool. I might teach a course online for CSU Stanislaus too - I left a door open for doing that, so I could bring in a little money, but not need childcare. I clearly don't have all the answers yet, but I feel confident that this opens more doors for me than it closes.